


Clandestine Enigmas and Wars of Attrition: The Thrilling First Adventure of Clarence T. Montgomery

by BackgroundWhimsy



Category: Brütal Legend, Grim Fandango, Monkey Island, Psychonauts (Video Games), Puzzle Agent (Video Games), Sam & Max (Comics)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Undercover Shenanigans, Wildcards AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27245290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackgroundWhimsy/pseuds/BackgroundWhimsy
Summary: If Nelson had to describe his performance as a Psychonaut, he'd say he was average. Not spectacular, not substandard, just average. By now he and Guybrush had been working together for a while, and after so many successful missions Nelson feels like he's really settled into his new role as a Psychic Secret Agent. Truly, sometimes it feels like there's nothing this job could throw at him that he couldn't handle.Nothing, that is, until he's chosen to accompany Elaine Marley on one of her undercover assignments.Now he'll have to step out of his comfort zone and into a role he never expected, while keeping a watchful eye out for his jealous partner who'd prefer it if he didn't make it to the assignment at all.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Clandestine Enigmas and Wars of Attrition: The Thrilling First Adventure of Clarence T. Montgomery

**Author's Note:**

> A little while ago it was discovered that Nelson shares a voice actor with Augustus Sinclair from Bioshock 2, and the thought of Nelson being able to speak with a honeyed Southern accent was too good for the discord to resist. Sinclair is one of my all-time favorite characters from one of my all-time favorite games, so of course I had to write something for this little adventure.
> 
> Huge thank you and shout-out to [my sister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelamine/pseuds/Chelamine) for beta-ing, y'all should be grateful to her because this took a lot of editing

"So, is this some kind of abstract art piece?" Guybrush asked, poking at what appeared to be an intricate wooden sculpture sitting on Nelson's desk. The pirate had wheeled his chair over to his partner's area, and was leaning on the edge of the Puzzle Agent's desk as he bent down to inspect the little oddity. It looked like some kind of cross between a slinky that lost a fight with a toothpick dispenser and a tornado of jenga pieces.

"Nope!" Nelson replied brightly from the other side of the table, "It's a puzzle I found at the flea market this weekend."

The two of them hadn't had anything particularly interesting to do in at least a month. Whoever was assigning cases and dispatching agents must have had it out for them or something; when Nelson had to resort to bringing puzzles from home just to keep the day even _mildly_ interesting, that meant things around the office were _far_ too quiet. 

"I should've guessed," Guybrush said, cocking an eyebrow. "Okay, I'll bite - how does it work?"

"I'm glad you asked," Nelson replied, smiling warmly. "This structure puzzle is one of a kind, hand-crafted by an architect-turned-sculptor from the Netherlands. Each piece is apparently supposed to be a representation of all the things he learned on his journey through life, and was passed down through his family for generations."

Guybrush raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Really? That's a pretty fancy puzzle you got there then - shouldn't it be in some kind of puzzle museum or something?"

Nelson shrugged. "Probably. I did find it at the flea market though, so for all I know the woman I bought it from was lying through her teeth just to sell it. No matter what its true backstory really is though, it still functions as a puzzle, so it doesn't really matter to me." Pursing his lips, he added, "also… sometimes puzzles are more fun when there's a story behind them. Just go with it, okay?"

Guybrush nodded. "Okay."

As Nelson began to explain the puzzle's goal, he carefully started turning the little object to show off all the intricate lines of its interlocking design. The geometry of the piece seemed almost impossible, as the whole structure leaned off to the side in a blatant violation of the laws of physics. There was almost certainly some boring architectural explanation as to how the twisty little wormhole-shaped flower-vase-thing stayed upright, but Guybrush was content just to know that it existed, and apparently had some special quality that got Nelson excited.

"Each of these pieces is designed to rest on the others around it to create the structure, but one of them is unnecessary for the puzzle to stay standing. The goal is to find it and remove it while leaving everything else intact."

Haphazardly pulling on an incorrect piece, Nelson demonstrated the consequences of failure as the little sculpture collapsed on itself.

"Wow," Guybrush said, eyes widening in interest. He picked up one of the little hand carved bits and began turning it this way and that, inspecting the curves and facets in the light. "There's so many of them, I bet it'd take forever to find the right one."

"Eeehhh, I don't know about _forever,"_ Nelson said, piecing the puzzle back together, "It really isn't that hard, once you know what you're looking for."

Plucking the piece out of Guybrush's hand and slotting it back into place, Nelson had the whole thing reassembled in no time at all.

"All you really need to do is study how each of them supports the ones around it, and look for the one that bears the lightest load." To emphasize the point, Nelson pulled a piece out of the side. When the puzzle didn't immediately implode as it had earlier, he tossed the small bit of wood to Guybrush, who caught it and nodded approvingly at his partner.

"That's pretty cool. I wonder if there are any other ways these things fit together; maybe it's possible to assemble it backwards, or inside out, and then you'd have an entirely new puzzle on your hands." Trust Guybrush to find a new and inventive use for something he'd only just been introduced to. Still, it was a good idea - Nelson couldn't help but grin at the thought of trying to design a new puzzle out of one that already existed. "Heck, even just figuring out the new orientation would be a puzzle. Why, I bet-"

Whatever Guybrush was about to gamble on, he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Distracted, he turned away from Nelson's desk to call their visitor in when he seemed to recognize whoever it was purely by aura alone. Tossing the piece he'd just been inspecting back onto his partner's desk, he practically fell out of his seat as he got up to throw the door open for them. 

_"Laineykins!"_ Guybrush was grinning from ear to ear. There was nothing to break up the endless monotony of the world's most boring day at work quite like a visit from his wife. "What brings you all the way down to our little corner of the Motherlobe?"

Peeking her head in, Elaine waved at Nelson when she saw him sitting behind his desk. Smiling fondly at her husband, she said, "I had a favor to ask about a mission of mine. Do you mind if I come in?" 

"Please do!" Guybrush stepped backwards out of the doorway and gestured grandly to their little office. He then went on to pull one of the chairs from the meeting area outside into the room so she could sit down. As soon as everyone was situated, she began to tell them about an undercover assignment she'd be going on in about six months' time.

Apparently, there was some kind of high profile charity event planned to raise money for various hospitals, relief efforts, conservation programs, and infrastructural projects. It was meant to last an entire week to accommodate as many financial backers as humanly possible, and every night would feature some sort of dinner, dance, or auction. All manner of wealthy socialites and celebrities were slated to attend, including billionaire technology magnate Doydle Jenkinson.

Jenkinson’s company was most famous for their work in the field of robotics and remote control aeronautics, but the Psychonauts were far more interested in their research on neuroprosthetics. 

According to the intelligence network, there were rumors about an attack being planned by a guerrilla group of hypnotists, The Delusionati. It was unclear what exactly their ultimate goal was, but they were known for using underhanded tactics to influence elections, business decisions, and even rioters to further their causes. In this case they were specifically targeting Jenkinson and a few members of his entourage, and as one of the primary backers of the function, he'd be attending almost every event planned. Elaine and a partner of her choosing were meant to go undercover as bodyguards and prevent any form of psychic tampering to Jenkinson or his friends.

"So, that's where Nelson comes in." Setting her hands in her lap, Elaine fell silent as she allowed the two of them to process her request.

Guybrush blinked, confused. "I'm sorry, but for a second it sounded like you said I _wasn't_ the one who'd be accompanying you to a bunch of high-class galas and mixers."

"No, you heard me correctly. For this to work, I need Nelson as my partner - assuming he's willing, of course." Now she turned to the Puzzle Agent, asking for his approval with a questioning glance.

He blinked owlishly at her, more than a little stunned by the request. "I… I'd be happy to try, but why me?" 

Elaine had at least a dozen other contacts here at the agency who were far more experienced than him, and Guybrush to boot. He'd never even been undercover before, what did he have that they didn't?

"To start with, we're dealing with a bunch of rogue hypnotists - your skills in trance breaking would certainly come in handy. Additionally, your exceptional pattern recognition skills would make spotting any unusual behavior far easier." Elaine smiled encouragingly at him, as though her belief in his abilities would somehow make him more qualified for a position he had no business taking.

"Secondly, Guybrush told me all about your potential as an undercover agent. He was very impressed with your improvisational skills during the Pitt investigation - overall, he said your technique could've used some refinement, but you definitely have what it takes to be successful in undercover work."

Guybrush buried his face in his hands as his own praise of his partner came back to bite him. Nelson couldn't help but blush slightly as he recalled the incident she was talking about. It was nothing really; just a small hitch in one of Guybrush's plans that he'd solved with a spot of quick thinking.

The pair of them had been attempting to sneak their way through a suspect's house in the dead of night, hoping to find evidence of the many psychoactive drugs she was supposedly pushing. Guybrush had knocked over one of the tacky lamps the whole place was practically littered with, unable to see it in the pitch black living room, and the resulting crash had woken up one of their suspect's accomplices. 

He'd called out into the darkness, confused and wondering who was out there, and at that moment their entire mission could have fallen apart right then and there. They were smack-dab in the middle of redneck country, standing in the center of a potential drug dealer's den of operations; if they were discovered, not only would any potential evidence get destroyed, they'd probably end up with several heaping helpings of buckshot riddling their corpses.

Slightly panicked, Nelson's mind had snapped into overdrive - Guybrush could pick up the lamp, and the two of them could try to remain invisible for as long as it took the inquisitive housemate to inspect the living room and deem it undisturbed, _or..._

Or Nelson could answer him back. He was half-asleep, the fact that his voice was almost entirely foreign might not even register as long as he sounded like he belonged there. It was a crazy idea. A crazy, stupidly dangerous idea that might blow the mission and get them killed anyway, but the little voice at the back of his mind that convinced him to do stupidly dangerous things like take on an entire squad of Men in Black with just a handgun or infiltrate a drug den in the middle of the night was telling him to _do it._ Just _do it._ Don't hesitate, don't think, just start talking and let instinct do the rest.

This voice had started to sound more and more like Guybrush the longer the two of them had worked together, so while the real Guybrush was standing across the room from him discreetly picking up the pieces of the lamp that had ratted them out, Nelson had decided to follow the advice of the mini-Guybrush that lived on his shoulder.

He'd called back into the darkness, doing his best to match the questioning voice's dialect and pitch, hoping that a familiar-sounding response would put him at ease. Guybrush had tensed and stared at him like he was out of his mind, and it was almost enough to shatter Nelson's sudden burst of confidence, but in the end a simple excuse and an assurance that everything was fine turned out to be enough to convince their would-be whistleblower to go back to sleep.

The remainder of the investigation hadn't been nearly so exciting. They'd found what they needed, the Alabaman drug lord had gone to prison, and Nelson had honestly forgotten about the incident. Apparently though, Guybrush _hadn't,_ and now his bragging about those events to his wife was enough to potentially spark Nelson's undercover career.

Elaine wasn't finished. "Finally, and I do mean this in the nicest possible way, you look old enough to fit in. The vast majority of the attendees will be industry leaders, doctors, lawyers, and the like. Guybrush is too young-looking - I need the other partygoers to trust my partner, and they won't talk to him for very long if they feel he's too young and inexperienced to have anything in common with them." 

Guybrush was practically _fuming._ Making an indignant little noise in the back of his throat, he gestured to his face and scowled. In the blink of an eye his features aged at least a decade, to the point that he could easily have passed for a much older man. Raising his eyebrows to emphasize his point, he was practically daring Elaine to find a flaw in his disguise.

She shook her head. "Darling, you don't need that kind of a migraine. You'd have to keep that up for hours, for entire crowds of people, for multiple nights in a row."

Letting go of the illusion, Guybrush threw his arms out in exasperation, hopping out of his chair so he could begin to pace. "Then I'll do it with makeup! It wouldn't be the first time, and besides - Nelson's not even licensed to go undercover."

Elaine opened her mouth to contest the argument, when she saw the truth in his words. "That's actually a good point." Turning to Nelson, she said, "You would need to get certified to be cleared for the mission; as a Psychonaut you've already got most of the permissions you'd need, but undercover work requires a certain level of skill in deception that isn't part of the regular training process."

After almost thirty seconds of solid silence, Nelson realized she was waiting on him for an answer. Kicking his brain into gear, he belatedly started seriously considering her proposition. Guybrush clearly wanted to go on this mission in his place, but Elaine had some pretty good arguments for his involvement. Undercover work wasn't really his _thing_ , but wasn't Guybrush always telling him he should be branching out and trying new things? He could, at the very least, go through with the certification. Elaine wouldn't bring him along if she thought he wasn't ready, and he certainly didn't want to put her in danger by messing up the mission. This… this could be fun. 

Or it could be a total failure.

Once again, the little part of him that liked to whisper Guybrush-like suggestions to him was urging him to go for it. There was no harm in trying to prepare for the assignment, not when the real Guybrush was more than willing to step in if he just couldn't do it. 

Decision made, Nelson pointedly wasn't looking at his partner when he nodded at Elaine. "I'll do it. Or, at least, I'm willing to try."

Guybrush spluttered in betrayal. His wife ignored him; instead, she smiled at Nelson. "And that's all I'm asking of you."

Turning to her husband, probably sensing an oncoming storm, she reached out to lay a hand on his arm. "Dear, I _know_ how much you want to come with me - really, you were the _first_ agent I looked into when I started looking for a partner - but the fact remains that Nelson is a better fit for the assignment. With his skills, the mission ought to run smoothly and, this way, at least you know I can count on the agent I team up with. Would you rather I went out there with a total stranger?"

Nelson could see it in Guybrush's eyes that he agreed with her on that front, but he still didn't seem very inclined to budge on the matter. "I'd rather you went out there with _me."_

Sighing, Elaine took her hand back. "How about this: if Nelson ends up being unable to go on the mission, _then_ you can be my partner. Does that sound fair?"

The pirate folded his arms and fell petulantly back into his chair, pouting. Then, still clearly unhappy with the situation, he nodded. "Fine."

He didn't sound fine, but the agreement was more than enough for Elaine. "Wonderful. Then I'll be back later with some more information for you, Nelson, and we can discuss our next steps."

Nelson nodded as she got up to leave. She kissed Guybrush lightly on the cheek, and took her chair with her as she left the two of them alone once more. As Nelson watched Guybrush continue to pout on his side of the office, he couldn't help but wonder what he'd just signed up for.

&&&&&&

He started his undercover training the very next day; it wasn't like he had anything else to be working on, and the more time he had to prepare, the better. Elaine’s first order of business was to tell him to stop shaving, because a beard and a full head of hair would change the overall look of his face far more than any other element of a disguise ever could. Even though they didn't know exactly who he'd be yet, he needed to start growing it out now so that they'd have something to work with when the time came.

She then gave him a briefing on the mission that included far more details than what she’d given him during her original pitch; this included things like the venue’s address, the level of regular security they were expecting, and the names and occupations of many of the other guests. Obviously he’d need to be able to identify the man they were meant to protect, but any of the other partygoers could be impersonated by a threat, which meant he’d need to be able to make quick judgements about the veracity of just about anyone’s identity. His homework that first weekend was to do some of his own research on the other guests and commit as much of the case’s relevant information to memory as possible.

The following Monday began a six week course over the techniques and trade secrets of practical espionage. It was an introductory class meant for agents on the fast track to full time spywork, unlike the more mundane assignments he had been prepared for, so some of the information discussed was more of a refresher for him. He already knew how to do things like write reports, but the new curriculum also took those basic tasks and stressed the importance of taking accurate notes on every last detail, because in the world of spying on people anything could be important.

The gravity with which the classes were taught was a little intimidating. It seemed like every other lesson was punctuated with a reminder that making a mistake could land him in jail _or worse,_ and it wasn't helped by the fact that he was attending class all on his own. Guybrush had been there for Elaine's briefing so he'd be up to speed if Nelson had to drop out, but both of the Threepwood-Marley's already had their undercover clearances. When it came to learning about the basics of spycraft, Nelson was on his own.

Honestly though? Aside from all the doom and gloom from his teachers, he was kind of enjoying it. This perspective on his job was new and exciting; a welcome break from the monotony he and Guybrush had been suffering through, and he always looked forward to learning new skills. When he broke everything down to its most basic concepts, spywork was almost as much fun as solving a good puzzle.

The unit on improving one’s memory was his favorite because it played into his strengths and involved the least new information. According to his temporary handlers, a spy needed to be able to remember all sorts of important and potentially sensitive information, like the details of their mission briefing or the intel they’d just collected. Writing it down ought to be their very last resort, so memorization was key. Nelson, with his long and regular history of solving difficult brain teasers and memory puzzles, was way ahead of them.

It was by far the easiest part of the course, if only because his mind was already a steel trap and he was more than familiar with using a personalized encoding system to remember more complicated information. He did get a new memory game out of it, though - it involved looking at an assortment of objects, and then trying to remember as many details as possible about them as soon as the player could no longer see them. A simple game, to be sure, but enough new and interesting objects could turn it into a more challenging version of I Spy.

The last portion of that leg of his training covered the ins and outs of actually going undercover, and from there he was back to working closely with Elaine to develop his new undercover persona. He needed to be wealthy enough to attend such a high class charity event, but low profile enough to be fairly uninteresting. His industry had to be lucrative enough to provide him with the funds required to rise to his position, yet obscure enough that very few people would be able to doubt his legitimacy. Most importantly, his backstory had to gel with all of those things _and_ still be something he could reliably present to an ever-changing crowd of people - calling himself a Saudi Arabian oil magnate was definitely a plausible cover story, but not a very believable one.

While they mulled over the possibilities, Nelson enrolled in a number of acting and improv classes. According to his undercover training, “The fictional identity of a spy undercover must be absolutely ingrained in his or her mind,” and as far as he was concerned there was no better way to do that than to study some of the basic rules of lying professionally. Actors had to be someone else consistently for long periods of time and adjust to unexpected challenges on the spot, so developing some basic acting skills could only improve his performance.

The instructors were delighted to discover Nelson's 'natural talent' for accents and dialects - unbeknownst to them, he'd spent hours upon hours as a kid learning about all the various ways the English language was pronounced by people from all over the world, and even longer learning how to recreate them. Accents were just fun to experiment with as a kid, and now all that experimentation was going to be put to good use enhancing his undercover performance.

They started out simple with some beginner level exercises to help him learn the ins and outs of thinking on the fly and committing to the bit, and then worked their way up from there to start having him try to be consistent with the same character over multiple situations.

He felt a little awkward at first - this part really was more Guybrush's area of expertise, and if Nelson hadn't been so specifically requested he probably would've insisted that Guybrush just go ahead and take the mission instead - but as time went on and he attended more and more of the sessions he found himself feeling more confident in being able to make up a story and stick to it convincingly.

He'd tried asking Guybrush for tips, since he had lots of experience in making things up as he went along, but in the end he wasn't a very good tutor. The pair of them couldn't stop making each other laugh every time they tried practicing one of the improv scenarios Nelson had brought back with him, and eventually Elaine banned Guybrush from helping altogether. His techniques, she'd said, were a little more 'advanced' than Nelson needed to worry about at the moment, and at the rate things were going, trying to learn anything while Guybrush was around meant he'd probably get his certification sometime next year.

Guybrush was not pleased to be sidelined yet again, but ultimately he left the two of them to finish the training on their own.

Working with Elaine and a linguistic specialist, Nelson tried out all manner of accents and dialects from all over the United States and beyond. Ultimately it was decided that the affectation of a Southern Gentleman fit him and their upcoming situation the best - despite being born and raised in the North, with just a little bit of practice he turned out to be a very believable Virginian.

Once they'd picked a regional dialect they could move on to building his identity. After a few hours with some books on traditional Southern baby names, eventually he settled on Clarence T. Montgomery. The 'T' didn't actually stand for anything - _or at least, not anything he was willing to admit to_ \- it was mostly just a part of the name because it made him sound fancy and sophisticated. 

He was an agricultural equipment magnate who’d built his fortune buying and selling patents for each new innovation in the field. He was a businessman, the sort of character who knew a thing or two about getting the best out of any deal he could make. A true Southern Gentleman, Clarence could often be found sipping sweet iced tea from the porch of his home in Richmond, Virginia, and would often entertain guests in the comfort of his historic family mansion. 

Over the course of the next month and a half, they covered everything from his backstory to his mannerisms and diction, all the way down to the tiniest details. Posture, physicality, inflection - every last aspect of how to become an entirely different person. Slowly the questions he asked himself shifted away from _who is he?_ to _who am I?_ as it got easier and easier to step into his alternate persona.

The last step in completing Clarence was deciding on what he looked like. Clarence was proud of his Southern heritage and all their traditions, so he was always bound to be as stereotypically southern as he could possibly be. He and his custom-tailored three-piece suit simply oozed charm and class. His hair had been combed and coiffed into a well-groomed part, with enough length and curl to it to suggest an air of boyish innocence. His pencil mustache and goatee were angular and matured his face, complementing the set of his jaw and the angle of his smile, hinting at the more sinister aspects of his personality. He wore large, round glasses, a bolo tie, a signet ring, and walked with a cane he could thump loudly against the floor to let people know he was there. In short, he projected an image of wealth and class that prided itself on its pedigree and provided him all the cultivated southern charm he could ever ask for.

The remainder of his training was dedicated entirely to immersing himself in the role and getting comfortable with the idea of using his alter ego as his primary persona. Nelson couldn’t just be Clarence when he knew someone was watching him; in this field, and _especially_ with the Psychonauts, he could never be sure that he was ever entirely alone. With extra-sensory perception in play, he couldn’t just look like Clarence, he had to think like him too, and so eventually he started incorporating the character into his daily life. Clarence became like a second skin to him, one he wore him as often as possible. He practiced walking and gesturing with his cane, and started running mundane errands as Clarence instead, until walking around as a completely different person was as natural as breathing. 

He wasn’t quite done with his formal spy training either - now that he had a good grip on his cover, he was ready to finish up the last few units covering the hands-on experiences he was likely to come across in the field. How to smoothly transfer objects and information through dead drops and bump-passes, what to do when security was tighter than expected, that kind of thing. The training on how to spot a tail was by far his least favorite out of the entire process up to this point - apparently the best way to get good at spotting people following you was to constantly be followed, and the paranoia that set in was hard to shake afterwards (which was probably the point).

One way or another though, he somehow managed to jump through all the necessary hoops for certification… or at least, all but one. All he had left was a final exam of sorts where he'd be evaluated on his undercover skills. As soon as he passed, he'd officially have the clearance he needed to accompany Elaine.

The day before his big test, Elaine took him out to lunch as a practice exercise. It wasn’t strictly necessary, _per se,_ he had just done five months worth of training, but a little extra preparation never hurt anyone. 

Aaaand, if he was being honest, at this point he was mostly just having some fun with his newly honed powers of deception. He and Elaine had invited Eddie and Manny out with them, as neither of them had seen his disguise yet. If it really was as good as Elaine assured him it was, their reactions ought to be something to see.

The local restaurant they'd picked out was a nice place - nice enough that it was a common destination for business luncheons and special occasions, but not quite so nice that you’d need to book a reservation for it. Clarence was a fancy man, for sure, but Nelson wasn’t quite ready to be _that_ fancy just yet. Still, he’d opened the door for his companion as a true gentleman ought, and offered her his arm as they walked across the foyer. The tapping of his cane and his expensive wingtip shoes on the tile flooring made him feel powerful and confident, so by the time they’d joined their coworkers he and his smug expression were in top form. 

Eddie’s double take as the two of them approached was more than worth all the training he’d had to do to get it, and Manny almost lost his jaw dropping it open in shock. Nelson couldn’t help but break out into a full on grin - this was going to be _great._

He came to a stop in front of them and rested both hands on his cane while Elaine let the server know they were ready to be seated. It seemed his friends couldn’t figure out what to say - both were still just staring at him in surprise. Nelson raised an eyebrow at the two.

“It’s been awhile, boys,” he began, calmly and with impeccable articulation, “I hardly recognized the pair of ya.”

Manny swore under his breath, and Eddie buried one of his hands in his hair as if he could stop his mind from being absolutely _blown._

“Are you for real??” Eddie leaned in to get a better look at all the details of his disguise, grinning broadly. Nelson could count the number of times he’d come into the office with any sort of facial hair on one hand, let alone a full head of it. That on its own would’ve been a sight to see, but the rest of the disguise too? Eddie probably couldn’t believe his eyes.

Spreading his arms to let Eddie get a good look at him, Nelson said, “Oh, I’m real alright - plain as the nose on your face.”

Eddie roared with laughter, setting a hand on Manny's shoulder as he pointed at Nelson and asked, still giggling, _"Are you seeing this?"_

"Seeing? Yeah. Still working on believing, though." If Manny had eyebrows, they'd probably be on the back of his head by this point.

The skeleton's answer sent Eddie right back into hysterics, enough so that people had started looking around for the source of the disturbance.

Nelson returned to his earlier posture, leaning comfortably on his cane and basking in his friends' disbelief. This was better than he ever could have _imagined._

Still, if Eddie kept carrying on like this there was a chance they might get thrown out. Smirking, he got his attention. “Come now, Mr. Riggs, let’s not make a scene. We _are_ in the middle of a restaurant, after all.” 

Straightening, Eddie fixed Nelson with a conspiratorial grin. “Oh of course sir, my bad. Y’know, I don’t think I caught your name - what was it again?”

Nelson simply smiled politely. “Oh, forgive me, chief - allow me to introduce myself.” Offering his hand, he said, “Clarence. Clarence T. Montgomery.”

Eddie took his hand and shook it firmly, an enthusiastic grin plastered across his face once again, _“Great_ to meet you, Clarence, how long're you in town for?”

"Not long enough, I'm afraid, so we'll have to make do with the time we have."

Manny was watching the exchange with a bemused expression, as Elaine rejoined their group. The four of them dissolved into friendly conversation while they waited for a table to open up, and Nelson had to try very hard to remember that he wasn't supposed to be himself right now. Standing around shooting the breeze with Manny and Eddie was so familiar to him that several times he almost slipped back into his role as a Psychonaut; maybe this outing was going to be more of a challenge than he'd realized. The vast majority of his training had been done with other trainees and Elaine, not people he saw every day and actually knew. He'd have to be more careful in the future - he could run into anyone at any time, and it wouldn't do to blow his cover by being too familiar with an apparent stranger.

Doubling down on his well-mannered facade, Nelson found strategic places to inject a few polite questions about the topic at hand. _Clarence_ had no knowledge of the people or places involved in the latest office gossip, but Eddie was more than willing to help fill him in (with a few embellishments, of course). 

Soon enough, a waitress interrupted to let them know their table was ready.

The rest of the outing progressed smoothly. The food was great, the service was excellent, and as the conversation shifted from topic to topic Eddie was having a hell of a time getting to know his new acquaintance. It seemed he was more than used to talking to performers in character, fussy rock stars being what they were, so he was more than a match for Nelson and his little charade. He took everything Clarence said absolutely seriously, and kept the conversation going without even batting an eye at all the obvious falsehoods Nelson was feeding him.

Manny was just as invested in the conversation as his partner, but where Eddie would _"yes, and?"_ everything about Nelson's performance, Manny was keeping an eye out for any lingering cracks in his facade. He even went so far as to correct Clarence’s hold on his martini glass to something the high rollers he’d be rubbing elbows with wouldn’t object to.

Elaine simply sat back and enjoyed the show, happy enough to see all their hard work being put to use in the real world. Every now and then she'd interject with a set-up for Nelson to show off another facet of the character they had created together, and he felt he delivered on every one of them. 

Eventually though, the afternoon drew to a close, and the checks were delivered to the table.

 _"Please,_ Miss Threepwood, allow me." Nelson was all charm as he retrieved his wallet from the inside pocket of his jacket and handed her a company-issued credit card. This _was_ a training exercise, after all - they could claim it as a business expense. 

Elaine couldn't help but giggle at him. This oily southerner was so far away from the Nelson she was used to that hearing him offer honeyed platitudes and call her things like _darling_ in that accent was completely ridiculous. No one would ever guess that Agricultural Kingpin Clarence T. Montgomery was actually mild-mannered Puzzle Agent Nelson Tethers. The disguise was, in a word, _perfect._

As the waitress strode back towards the front to process their payment, Nelson set his folded arms on the table in front of him. At long last, he broke character, deciding the exercise was over and it was time for a more serious discussion. He breathed a sigh of contentment and slouched in his seat, satisfied with his performance and how much fun he'd had with his friends this afternoon.

"So, what do you guys think about my chances on the exam tomorrow?" He still hadn't been given the exact details of the test, but he knew his friends knew at least a little bit about it. Elaine had shared knowing looks with them whenever the topic came up in conversation before steering towards a new subject.

Eddie and Manny answered him simultaneously, talking over each other and sending _very_ mixed signals. While Eddie smiled and gave him a thumbs-up, encouraging him with an assurance that he had it in the bag, Manny hummed uncertainly and said he wasn't sure.

Elaine stiffened and sat upright, frowning slightly. She and Eddie both glanced at Manny, surprised by his candid response. Nelson was taken aback by the skeleton's doubt - he’d thought he'd done a pretty good job. 

"Really?" He asked, wilting slightly, mildly disappointed in himself, "what did I do wrong?"

Manny just shook his head, "It's nothing to do with you, it's the test. Nothing could ever prepare you for what you're up against."

“What? What do you mean??” Nelson was puzzled, to say the least. To this point he'd aced everything the undercover certification process had thrown at him, what could possibly be left to prepare for?

Elaine was staring daggers at Manny. Despite having told him nothing of the actual mission, it seemed the skeleton had already said too much for her taste. The two seemed to hold an entire conversation telepathically in the blink of an eye, but whatever she said to him didn't appear to deter him in the slightest. 

He simply shrugged once Elaine looked away and, making direct eye contact with Nelson, said, "He's going to find out at some point, it might as well be now."

"He doesn't need to worry about it until tomorrow!" Elaine responded, exasperated, "I thought we'd already agreed about that." Turning back towards Nelson, she smiled apologetically. "Forget about what Manny said, you'll do fine."

Nelson frowned. “No, I want to know. What about the test is supposed to be so difficult?” 

He straightened up in his chair, looking between Manny and Elaine expectantly. It wasn't like her to try to hide information from him, especially not when it came to his undercover work. Why wouldn't she give him the advantage of knowing what was coming?

Elaine simply stared at him, wrongfooted by this turn in the conversation. After a moment she opened her mouth as if to argue, but Nelson beat her to it. "Please? Agents should know as much as they can about their upcoming assignments - withholding information like this isn't just keeping me in the dark, it's sabotage. If this test is really going to be as hard as you guys are making it out to be, then I'll need every advantage I can get."

He held eye contact with her for as long as he could, trying to convey as much confidence and sincerity as possible with just his gaze. He could handle whatever it was she was so worried about, really. She was the first to look away with an uncertain expression on her face, biting her lip as she weighed the consequences of sharing her secrets with him. At last, it seemed she came to a decision.

"Well," she began, pausing to exchange a glance with Manny and Eddie, like she wasn’t entirely certain she was going to phrase her next sentence correctly, “the test tomorrow involves maintaining your cover for an entire day, and… Guybrush will be overseeing you.”

“Oh.” Nelson blinked in surprise. Was that all? Just spend a day with Guybrush in character, and earn his certification? Just like that? Elaine had delivered the news with all the gravity of a death sentence, _surely_ there was more to it than that.

"That doesn't sound like _that_ much of a challenge," Nelson said, tilting his head to the side in confusion. He'd been expecting some kind of brutal practice mission, or a written exam, or… or _something_ a little more difficult than just going about his business for one measly day at work. "In fact, it almost sounds like you're going easy on me."

"Are you kidding?" Manny said incredulously, raising his eyebrows, "Right now the only thing standing between him and the chance to go undercover with his wife is _you."_

_Oh._

_Oh no._

A chill ran down Nelson's spine as he realized just how badly he'd misjudged the situation. There was nothing on this earth that his partner valued more than spending time with Elaine - Guybrush wasn't just going to be after his job tomorrow, he was going to be after his _head._

"Relax, I've already had a talk with him, and he's promised to behave himself." Elaine said, trying to be reassuring, "This is only a test of your ability to maintain your cover under social pressure, not of your combat abilities. Guybrush isn't allowed to attack you in any way, physically or psychically."

Oh, that was good. Under those conditions, he'd only have to worry about Guybrush's legendary ability to get under anyone's skin in record time.

"Isn't this a conflict of interest?” Nelson asked weakly, casting around for any way out of his impending doom, “No matter what happens tomorrow, he's just going to fail me anyway."

Elaine shook her head. "The board and I have already discussed this at length, and everyone agrees - while Guybrush definitely has an ulterior motive to want to sabotage your exam results, he's also the best person to test your resolve. As your partner he'll know when you're being yourself versus your secret identity, and as your friend he's not afraid to try and push you around. 

"Additionally, Guybrush can't just fail you for no reason," she continued. "He has to provide undeniable proof that you were unable to complete the exam, and his testimony has to match up with yours. If he can't find a way to break you within twenty-four hours just by being himself, then it's highly unlikely that anything else on this earth will."

Nelson buried his face in his hands, pushing his glasses aside and kneading his eyelids. She was right, of course, as she always was… but _still._ Guybrush was, well, _Guybrush._ Telling him to behave just meant he had to find newer, more creative ways to skirt the rules without anyone noticing until it was too late. Whatever he had in store for him tomorrow, it wasn’t going to be good.

Eddie set a heavy hand on his shoulder. “You’re gonna be just fine. You two've been partners for awhile now - I’d be surprised if he has anything to throw at you tomorrow that you haven’t already seen. It’ll be a piece of cake, don’t sweat it.”

Nelson gave him a small smile, appreciative of the attempt to make him feel better. “I… I guess you’re right. It couldn’t be that bad… right?”

Everyone echoed the sentiment, but as they left the restaurant and he climbed into his car to begin the drive home, he still just couldn’t help but think about all the ways everything was going to go wrong.


End file.
